We left for the hospital around 3pm. I felt anxious and a little sad that things were not going the way I had hoped. I really wanted to be able to have another drug-free birth.
5:30pm Cervidil administered. I was afraid it would take a long time after reading so much about how pitocin was necessary after 12 hours. One of my nurses told me she had to have two doses of it.
12:30am I had my first contraction, which felt like three contractions in a row. Weirdly painful.
1:30am Contractions are 3-4 minutes apart. I was confused because I didn’t get to be 3-4 minutes apart with Ana and Charlotte until I was about 2 hours away from pushing. I thought maybe I was dehydrated but the nurse reassured me that this was perfectly normal. And I thought, “Not for me!”.
2:00am Contractions are 2-3 minutes apart. I had the nurse check to see how dilated I was because the contractions were getting more painful and I wasn’t getting much of a break. I was 3 cm dilated. To which I responded “You’ve got to be kidding me!!”.
3:00am My midwife, Kris, arrives. I’ve thrown up twice and I’m still 3 cm. I start freaking out at this point, thinking this is never going to end. How can I only be 3cm along!??
4:00am I’m 6 cm and have thrown up again. At this point, I’ve had nearly non-stop painful contractions for 2.5 hours and from my experience with Ana and Charlotte, I thought it would be another 2 hours before I was ready to push. I was exhausted and feeling weak. I asked for some meds. They gave me a Fentanyl drip but it doesn’t take the pain away. But in hind sight, I knew this would happen and this is why I had previously decided to skip it. I have always said that when I had it with Charlotte, it helped me more mentally. It did make me very sleepy and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I wish I had used this more to my advantage. I don’t remember this time very well because I was so out of it.
4:15am I get a shot in the arm to slow my contractions because I was still not getting a break and Eliza’s heart rate get dropping. This was actually so helpful that I finally got a few minutes in between contractions. I wish I had just stopped with the meds at this point. But, I was still convinced that things could go on for hours more because things were going so differently than with the other kids. I asked for an epidural but Kris suggested an intrathecal which is administered by an anesthesiologist. It’s not a catheter in the spine like an epidural though. It’s a dose of medication that is supposed to numb you like am epidural but only lasts 2 hours. I was really concerned that I would still be in labor in 2 hours but Kris tried to reassure me that I would be pushing soon. I didn’t believe her.
4:45am 8 centimeters. The anesthesiologist arrives and admisters the intrathecal. It ends up making my pain worse by not easing the contraction pain but adds a constant pain in my lower back.
5:00am I was mentally in a bad state from 3.5 hours of constant contractions and was nearly in tears. Kris decided I should just start pushing and see what happens since Eliza’s position was what was causing all the back pain. She checked me and I was 10 cm. I start pushing but I couldn’t feel the muscles that are used to push the baby out. I could feel the contractions, but not my muscles. It took me a few contractions to figure out how to actually push her out.
5:13am Eliza is born!
I can’t help but feel regretful that I didn’t just hold off on the intrathecal for a little bit longer. If I had allowed Shane and Kris to talk me through it, I would have been much happier with the outcome.
Although I do feel some disappointment in myself, I don’t want to come off sounding ungrateful. I know the most important thing is that we all came out of it in good health. She’s absolutely perfect and I thank God that he has blessed us with four healthy kids.
I really couldn’t be happier to have had her and she will always be so special to me because we didn’t plan her. She will always be a reminder to me that God has confidence in me as a mother.