This weekend I spent quite a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. I don’t think I saw Shane for even an hour. He worked on Sunday again, but this time he came home at 11pm instead of 1am. I suppose I should accept this as an improvement. Then he was out the door at 6am the next morning (or that same morning if we’re talking two Sundays ago). The really crappy thing is that I want to be angry at someone. But there really is no one to blame.
I’m grumpy because I’m trying to take care of a house, four kids and manage our money seemingly by myself and it seems people keep telling me things will get easier as my kids get older but it’s really hard to believe when it actually feels like it’s getting more difficult.
I’ve tried not to complain much on my blog because I would really hate for someone to come here with a worse situation than mine and feel like I’m just a whiney spoiled brat. But I’ve actually reached the point that I’m too tired to care what other people think. If you can’t realize that what I write is only a small portion of the whole story, then I don’t mind if I annoy you and you go away.
Part of my angst is that one of my children, the one that technically should be helping me the most, requires the most attention. And the three others are at an age where they can’t do so many things for themselves. So I’m constantly hearing requests/demands for water, food, open this, get me that, wipe my butt, change my diaper, I need an ice pack because I ran my head into a brick wall, Eliza stomped her blueberries into the carpet, she hit me, she called me a stinky peanut butter toy baby, and it just goes on and on until all I can think about is when will I get a chance to chug my glass of wine.
From the inside this is what my life looks like. From the outside? I wish I could see. I remember having the same kind of problem when I was high school. That’s why I read a lot of books about people I thought surely suffered more than myself. They shamed me out of feeling sorry for myself. That’s why I’ve been trying to read more. But I haven’t been doing a good job of finding the time.
Anyway, there is no moral to this story and really no point except to be honest and turn this blog into what I really want it to be, which is a story of my life written to my kids. This is me. And this is our life. The good and the bad.
The highlight of my weekend was my 8 mile run that turned into a 6 mile run because my hip was bothering me. Even though it didn’t go as well as hoped, it was good for me. I really needed it and I’m proud of myself for getting out there.
I ran down David Ave and took a left when I got to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I love that there are so many runners in this town. It’s just too bad that most of them aren’t very friendly. I try to wave and say “Hi” but most don’t even look at me. Boohoo 🙁
I was going to try and do this run non-stop. But seriously! How can I do that around here?! I had to stop and play tourist.
And another stop even though I’m pretty sure I’ve taken this shot a dozen times before.
As I headed down the coast towards Asilomar, I could feel the wind getting stronger. Since up to this point 7 miles has been my longest run, I decided to take the easier route up Asilomar Road. That’s to the left in this picture…
But first I stopped to the right and had my Vega Sport endurance gel. When I took off again, that’s when I felt the familiar tightness in my left hip. I’ve never felt it while I was running, only after my run. I was also concerned because I was only a little more than half way through the run. I spent the next mile arguing with myself about whether I should play it safe and stop or suck it up and keep going.
I ended up stopping at mile 6 because the Wine and Dine Half Marathon is only 7 weeks away and I really don’t want to get injured before then. I’ll have to rethink the rest of my training.
I took this picture because I am so excited that I can put my hair in a tiny little ponytail. But then when I looked at the shots I took I was horrified at how much white hair I have!! Whenever someone has commented about my grey hair I’ve always (honestly) said that I’m sorry it bothers you but I only see it for a few seconds in the morning so I don’t see the point in going through the trouble of coloring it just so everyone doesn’t have to look at it. It doesn’t bother me because it’s on my head and I don’t have to look at it. Makes sense to me.
Well at least it did. This is almost too horrifying to ignore. So I thought seriously about dying my hair. But then as usual I run through the long-term consequences and decide that instead of spending money on hair dye every few weeks, I’d rather have some Oiselle shorts or a new book or more pens and notebooks.
So for now, I’ve decided to never ever take a picture of my hair again. There. Problem solved.
Besides all that I also got a new prescription for contacts and glasses. I really need to get new glasses. I really love the Gucci (ohhh fancy!) frames I have but I’ve put new lenses in them three times! The coating is chipping off and it’s time to say good bye. But at least I got my money’s worth out of them. I have some older frames that I can put new lenses in but then I saw these at Lens Crafters. Plum colored metal frame! I wish I had taken a picture of me wearing them. But sheesh. $169.95?! But aren’t they cute?