I’m feeling better today. It’s easier to move around and I even walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes, so maybe Eliza won’t be here in a few days. I went back and read my journal entries when I was pregnant with Charlotte and I was feeling the joint pains and other symptoms for about 5 days before I went into labor. Eliza’s due date is still three weeks away, so it’s probably wishful thinking that she’ll be here so soon. But I am really looking forward to meeting her.
I’m not nervous at all about what’s to come. I think that after having three kids, adding another isn’t going to be that much more work. Most of the stress is the unknown and constantly questioning whether you are doing the right or wrong thing. But I am so confident about certain things this time around that it helps me to relax about Eliza’s arrival. No meds during the birth, skin-to-skin and nursing as much as possible at the hospital and I’ll happily sleep on the Lazy Boy for the first week with her. I expect that she will drive me crazy and take 60 minutes to nurse and want to eat every 90 minutes. Basically, I’m planning on holding her about 20 hours a day for the first week or so. I’m sure she will find something new to surprise me with, but for the moment, I’m confident. And that feels wonderfully new.
I was having a teeny tiny bit worry about whether I would cave in and go for the epidural after I read Charlotte’s birth story and I said that I was so tired that I thought about taking the epidural but decided to try the narcotics out instead. I was surprised to read this because I don’t remember that at all. And I started to think maybe the same thing would happen. But then this morning at the gym I was watching A Baby Story and this woman had her water broken at 7cm and then changed her mind about having an epidural because the contractions were so intense. And then, of course, her labor halted. But when they broke her water, they noticed there was meconium so it became dangerous that the labor was taking so long. She had to make a decision between a C-section or the use of forceps. She chose the forceps and it looked awful. She was in pain even though she had the epidural. The whole experience looked so awful and I kept thinking that if she had had no intervention, if they hadn’t broken her water, if she hadn’t gotten the epidural, she probably would have had that baby hours earlier without forceps.
And so, I will try to remember this story as I am in the most painful part of labor. A few hours of pain is so much better than all that drama that poor woman endured. And I will also make sure Shane knows exactly what I want so he can talk some sense into me if I waiver.