I’m glad I didn’t write about what I had planned to do today, in yesterday’s post. Because it totally didn’t happen. I am trying to only write about stuff that did happen, instead of what I hope will happen. Because more often than not, something else comes along. I wish this didn’t annoy me so much.
But I’m trying to be more aware of how I am, so I can work with that. For the most part, I like myself a lot. So I don’t want to be someone different, I just want to be better at being me.
So what did happen today? After sleeping 10 hours, I lazed around for 2 hours, which yes, was amazing. Then I got a call from Mom’s doctor; she wants to go home and he would release her if I was able to pick her up.
They still don’t know what’s wrong with her.
I helped her get settled at home and then came home myself, FaceTimed with Shane and the kids. Usually it takes some time for me to miss them. But I was feeling bad about Eliza. She really misses me. She kept telling me to come over when we’re done doing FaceTime and “Daddy pick you up and bring you here.”
I don’t feel like a bad mother for not really missing them. I’m with them a lot, so it makes sense to me that I’m enjoying the quiet, and I’m not in a hurry for them to come back. When I was working full-time and didn’t spend much time with Caleb, I missed him terribly during a week-long business trip to Orlando. I missed him so much it literally hurt. I remember crying on the phone and telling Shane that. I will never forget that feeling. I would much rather have way too much of them most of the time and not miss them for what really is a relatively short amount of time.
And again, I’m going to bed after 10pm. I did not do better tonight. Not criticizing myself, just an observation.